Hello again - almost mid September - a sad day today as we recall the New York disaster of many lives lost - so many people leaving so many memories.

Well how am I doing - I am properly into my size 14 skirts now - blouses between sizes still but I am feeling better and stronger and I am managing to keep mainly to 1000 calories. However this coming week I want to be stricter on myself and rather than estimating too much I want to eat more fruit and better foods whilst still counting. I can probably eat more that way anyway.

Calorie counting works for weight reduction (or size reduction as I am doing) but it is too easy to waste calories and sap energy. I am slimmer for Alex going to Uni and I am going to use her going to focus my mind on seeing her a few weeks in and her noticing I have lost more weight - let's face it I should have some empty time when she goes so I can get stepping more which could help! See you soon.

Hi again - need to get a bit slicker at updating - mid August already - soon be Christmas. Well life is interesting at present - going through it as Alex waits to see where she is heading off to for University.

I am pleased at least to be able to report that although experiencing a fair amount of pressure I am not reaching for the chocolates! This is good - I am losing weight - although not weighing myself at all yet. I know I am changing shape and clothes are getting baggy - can get into some of my smaller sizes and could be a size 12 by Christmas - so all is positive on that front. Still sticking to calorie count and it gets easier as I go...not tempted as I used to be by all the nice sweet things. My taste buds have changed - I enjoy olives now which is handy for snacking on low calorie - well I think they are - lower than a bag of sweets anyway.

We are looking forward to enjoying a Scottish break soon - at the Edinburgh Festival - and hope my family see a lot less of me than they once did!

Bye for now.

Hi all

Well almost the end of July and the summer is yet to arrive properly in the UK - we can keep hoping - although it is warmer this week. Well life is often about resisting temptations even with food - it feels good when I can sit in a cafe with friends or family and whilst they eat I am content with a low cal bar or just a coffee - well I don't always do that but I am finding it easier now to do it!

The reason I have to count calories is that I have no willpower (or am too much of a free spirit) to stick rigidly to someone else's diet - this way I please myself how I do it.....and I ring the changes.

Today I enjoyed boiled eggs and salmon for breakfast - then enjoyed a coffee with milk mid morning. At lunch time I enjoyed a chicken wrap (381 cals) in Wetherspoons and later I will have some cous cous and veg.

This is all good and I am getting stronger as people comment on how I am looking good and losing weight. Now I still am not weighing myself because until I get a lot slimmer I am far too heavy and find that bit depressing. I have bought some size 14 clothes for our holiday - and have 4 weeks to fit properly into them! So here goes.......see you again soon.......

Another week has passed and today is the 1st July - can't believe it!

Well I am so pleased to have been able to break a few habits this week and pass on the large amounts of 'goodies' (well baddies really) I would normally consume.

I have stuck to 1000 calories most days and on the days I have gone over my maximum has been 1200 which should still guarantee weight loss.

Lovely to see so many nice clothes in the shops for summer - but would rather not buy many at this size - so depressing even to try clothes on in front of those large mirrors......so nothing else for it but to keep counting - see ya later when I am slimmer!

Well another week of counting successfully - and this is good - I am so keen now to get on with this and get into a size smaller clothes - no weighing for me because that is too depressing! However it has got easier and most important of all - apart form passing hundreds of sweet shops and chocolate displays, I have ben able to be quite natural about this. I can go into coffee shops and eat out with Robert and Alex without choosing the wrong things.

So here's to another week and by the time the end of August comes I will be into those size smaller clothes!!!!

Well hello again and it's good to be back on a positive note......I have been sticking to a calorie controlled diet for over a week now and I am managing to discipline myself.

Alex has been sitting her A Level exams and I felt as if Robert and I were also part of them - so I am so relieved that is over - results in August.

We decided to go to Pizza Express close to Barts Hospital for a meal together to celebrate this ending and I was so pleased that I saved 800 calories and could enjoy a proper meal. During the day I had a banana and 2 squares of chocolate - a total of 190 calories and then I had the special Pizza at c.500 calories with a tiny dessert and coffee - yum - that was absolutely lovely!

So having conquered the urge to eat, eat, eat I am having loads of green tea and water and I am counting everything - and guess what? I am so enjoying my food!

I can still have chocolate but it is dark and if I want my caramel shortcake at Cafe Nero then that is fine as long as I knock off around 350 - 400 calories and that is significant out of 1000 a day! So I sometimes just have a corner of Rob's cake.......now to up my exercise and keep going so that I can be slim once again and feel so good at last.

Well, well, well 15th June 2011 - how time flies - will soon be Christmas! However, before that I want two short holidays now that Robert is well and can come away with me. Of course I don't want to be too fat when I go so how have I been doing in shaping up.

I have made my way back to the gym rather than swimming - and this week I have resorted to a calorie controlled diet -the best way for me. Why? Well I find it far too hard to resist chocolate forever so I count the calories and enjoy it.

Some pressure came off over the last month when the Consultant was able to tell Robert he is in remission - and some other pressure came on with Alex's A levels but they will soon be over. The next real pressure will be in August when the results come in........

This year is proving to be interesting and it is great to have things to work at together as a couple - Robert and I are happy with his health improvement and looking forward to Alex's bug adventure this year as she plans to go to University. Life is good but I still plan to get some of this weight lifted so I can enjoy life more.

Talk again later.

Well another weekend almost over and feeling good! I don't take forgranted the fact that I really do love working in HR - that doesn't mean that it is easy or always good fun or that people don't get on my nerves sometimes but generally I love my job and so the thought of Monday and the week ahead is normally a positive one!

I have done far better this week - Robert is home again and that is always helpful when the regular trips to Barts stop for a while......also to have us together as a family at home does help us to function better.

This is a challenging month for Alex and yet we are so proud of her because she has finished her job with the City Airport since she successfully found a job at Jamies Italian restaurant at Canary Wharf. All this change and yet she is studying well and seems well motivated to get good grades in her A Levels.

I am nervous for Alex and really hope she does well but I am confident that whatever the results she will do well.

So what about my shape up? Well I have had some positive comments this week which have helped - someone thought I was a smaller size than I am - and she is a size 6-8!! Also Robert noticed my waist is beginning to come in again....a bit to go again but I have managed to resist a lot of goodies (well baddies but you know what I mean!)

I am trying to eat far better and less in the evenings - also then I don't need to feel guilty in having an occasional treat. It is important that I enjoy my food of course and I am - anchovies, beetroot, oatcakes and hummous, porridge, cornflakes, lime juice and so on!

At work I am trying to leave off the coffee and stay on green tea mostly which should help.

With summer here life is positive - easy to get out and about so no excuses not to move eh?

See you later.

I am back already - today I started my day again with porridge and oatcakes with hummous - and that lasted me until lunch time at the office - had some green tea and water too!

I found myself around 11:00 reaching for my purse - bad habit of nipping to the cafe for chocolate - I realised that didn't want that so put my purse away!!

Have also resisted chocolate caramel shortcake at Nero's Caffee today - and that is my favourite. I had corner of Rob's cake instead and that was fine! Scottish people always eat with hot drinks.....

We went to Nando's for tea and I had hummous and pitta bread - and a few chips! Robert was impressed when I passed the cakes and chocolate aisles in Waitrose.

Didn't even say or think 'I'm not allowed that' - just thought 'I don't want that!' - I need to keep working at this and I will. Talk again soon.

I've left it too long to blog - this is meant to inspire me to do better but when I haven't felt that I have been doing very well I have chosen to ignore my blogging!!

Anyway - an interesting month since mid April and I have a few things to look forward to. Sticking to my theme I am looking forward to seeing Hazel in June - she is coming down for a long weekend and I am having the Friday and Monday off as leave so we are going to enjoy London together - only thing is that I suggested that we will both be into size 14 by the time we meet - and time is marching on.

I have taken myself to task again - walking increased - not always 10,000 steps daily but at least 30 minute walk daily - often far more.

I had got into a bad habit of going into my new office near Liverpool Street and on route I was collecting a nice breakfast roll or croissant and flapjack or similar - too many calories!! So I found the 'fattummyclub' website advertised in the Times this week and I am back on porridge and oatcakes to help me cut down on sugar. I will do this because I hate having a tum - when I was younger I had such a skinny waist and flat tummy - that made me look and feel feminine.

So over yet another 'sugar binge- ing' period -and trying hard to stay positive and focus on losing weight as well as improving health and moods. You see, like so many people I find it so hard to contain my sugar/sweet consumption to a reasonable level and once I start I find it hard to stop. I have been quite pleased to discipline myself more where I focus on what I have resisted in a week - so this evening I didn't give in when Robert and Alex decided on a Chines Takeaway...they enjoyed that and I had porridge and oatcakes! They also saved money......

I'll be back again soon since I need to keep this up.

Hi

Is it really that long since I added to this blog? Well what has been going on with me in these last few weeks? Office moves, Alex's 18th Birthday, more treatment at Barts for Robert and a week off work which was most welcome.

As I attempt to shape up I realise that wellbeing is more than just physical stuff but involves emotions and mental health and wellbeing......I was quite tired by the end of March with all the redundancies at work as well as making new appointments and entering into the unknown.....all of this can bring so many uncertainties and made me feel vulnerable at times. However we are into a new period now and as always I am always grateful when I have come through the tougher times and can enjoy being in the here and now!

Robert's treatment has gone well to date and although he would much rather it was all over, we are so glad as a family for all the good days and for the lovely new people we have met on our journey! God is so good and we continue to trust in Him for healing, guidance and hope.

Alex's 18th was lovely - she took the weekend off her job at The City Airport and on the day itself we picked Robert up at Barts. and went to Jamie's Italian restaurant at Canary Wharf for a meal - with Alex's boyfriend Callum and the three of us. A new restaurant for us and the meal was lovely. Then the next day, Mother's Day, Alex and I had a special day out together at The Sanctuary - a women's only Spa at Covent Garden - we will be back again but must save up first!!!

Alex and I had a pre-birthday shopping day in London and that too was great - can't believe my little girl is now 18 but it is a great relief to see how she has turned out!!!

Well - how is my shape going - I have had to really 'get a grip' this past week because with all the changes and emotions around Robert's health etc I had been eating so much chocolate and sweets - and I hate my shape! Anyway I have been glad at the treats I have been able to resist over the past few days - chips at Nandos, cakes in Nero's, chocolate in the supermarket and even biscuits and cake at home - yes - this is good!

Anyway I had to buy some new clothes this weekend and these are the last size tent clothes I will buy. My sister will visit us in June and Alex starts her A Levels then so my target is that I (and my sister Hazel) will be lovely size 14s by June - that is 2011!!

Talk again soon x

Hello again - yesterday my little sister was 50 - where did all these years go - unbelievable and yet I am grateful for all that time and the fact that we have survived!

We get one go at life and how quickly it passes......so how have I done this past week or so? I was glad to start swimming more seriously again and how much better I feel for that - I swim now every 2nd day (so as not to overdo it and sicken myself!) and I swim 50 lengths of the pool at the Crown Plaza Hotel in London Docklands. It's lovely there and sometimes like this evening I even get the pool to myself for a short while. The reason I count my lengths is that I am normally too relaxed and spend time between the jacuzzi, steam room and sauna rather than exercise too much - so I am determined that I will feel the benefit of actually swimming this time.

On food - well a bit better - less sweets but I could do a lot better.....so here's to another week ahead.

Robert has been great and that has motivated me much more - I have had more interest in getting the house straight again - I have had to neglect things a bit whilst Robert has been in hospital so whilst he is feeling stronger we are both able to do a bit and that is motivating - thank you God!

Talk again soon - bye for now!

Hi - another week and we are well into March already but the treat of moving out of the winter months is that it is actually light when I leave work in an evening - which makes me feel much more alive!

Robert is doing well this week again which is great considering he is half way through his 3rd cycle of Chemo. I love getting time in the evenings to get into visit him and spend some valuable time together.

Alex is doing well with her studies at college although the pressure is mounting now as she has had to select two out of her 4 choices of University. More pressure ahead though as the exams get closer and you get one go at A Levels - as long as she does her best that's all she can do - and of course I want Alex to be happy in her life whatever way it goes.

So how is my re-shape doing? Well today I had the most expensive swim ever at the Crown Plaza Hotel - last time I went was 1st October.....now that is bad but we were on holiday in Spain in October (and I swam and walked a bit!!) and then Robert got ill so that's my excuse. I cancelled Robert's membership and kept mine so I have now made my way back and did 30 lengths as well as relaxing in the sauna, steamroom and jacuzzi - now that was good and I felt good afterwards.

Alex and I are coming off milk chocolate - cutting down fatty dairy stuff - so I have had dark chocolate and that is surely better eh? All being well Rob will get home this Thursday and I will get more time when I can get stepping again and swimming....watch this space!

Had a good day with family today - Robert's daughter Alison came with her four lovely children. After a roast dinner we went to our local park to feed the ducks - but after such a lovely morning it started to rain and it was so icy - really cold! So according to well formed habit we got back into the car and went off to Costa Coffee - was lovely to sit there for a while with 4 happy kids - and we resisted cakes each since we had enjoyed a big dinner - a corner of caramel shortcake just helped the coffee taste so good though!!

I am so happy that this week has been so good - robert seems to have got a lot stronger after his blood transfusions and although he moves off to Barts Hospital again tomorrow for 11 days the three of us feel positive about his 3rd round of chemotherapy - God is taking care of us and helping us face this whole journey with a positive spirit. Friends have been so good promising prayer and remembering to visit or call - that is good - we all need support outside of our own immediate family.

So how can I do better this week? I have introduced eggs and bananas for breakfast to avoid having to much bread through the day - and I feel that this gives me a healthy start to the day.

I need to increase my water intake - the office is so hot at work so apart from anything else I need to keep hydrated. I will be active this week at work and visiting Robert at his 'city pad' but to prevent me overdoing it we are hoping we can cut my visits to every 2nd day with Alex visiting in between and that way I can go after work by car - avoiding congestion charge and car parking - we will see if that works anyway.

I need to avoid comfort eating this week - because naturally I really miss Robert being at home - wish me well!

Can't believe that today is 21st of February already - and by now I could have been slimmer, trimmer and toned - so why not?

I am feeling quite focused, quite strong - enough to cope with current challenges and quite ready for my new role in the NHS but I do need still to go further than this.

I have a pedometer, I have a gym/swim membership, I have good food in and I have all the resources I need to get slim and yet I still need to remember to start new habits, break old habits and stick to them!!

I have been so glad recently with so much to challenge me personally. Robert's illness means that I need to be and stay strong - it is a bit of an emotional roller-coaster at times and yet I am quite calm and peaceful. So many times as a Christian I know that I need to apply my faith - to simply put my hand in God's hand and trust - and yet it is too easy to bring cares to Christ and take them back again! However I am managing to apply my faith to this situation and that makes me stronger.

So this week I need to get my head around being strong around chocolate and goodies which are bad for me - wish me well!

OK I'm back again to report on how I am shaping up!!

Well I have to say I am feeling okay and did quite well with shopping this weekend. Robert fortunately is back home after weeks in hospital so if he keeps free from infections that cause real concern he can stay at home and have twice weekly Chemo check ups before his next round! At least for now I am enjoying having hubbie home and not missing the daily trips to the City to visit him. Because Robert is unwell I am having to do more around the house and that is good for me - gets my body moving more!! Strange how I feel quite motivated to get the housework done when I know Robert is here and safe.....

However I do have to confess that I could still do so much better on the eating front......I did fit into my red suit this week which was good - it is only a size 14 BUT it is Hobbs and good quality so isn't a real 14 - they are just generous!

Been a funny week - Alex has suddenly become very interested in her Glasgow University conditional offer rather than Warwick (boyfriend influence) and that does not disappoint me - I had tried unsuccessfully to persuade her that Scotland could be good! Anyway that's all for later in the year and she has some tough exams and challenges to face first.

So why am I avoiding talking food? Well- actually I have really enjoyed my food this week and

have done a bit more stepping than normal through the winter but I need a bit of a push.

I do feel that if I can get into a better exercise routine things will be a lot better - I am off on leave from work for 3 days next week so surely I can make an effort to get moving! Wish me well!

See ya..........

Hi

I enjoyed a it of a lie in today - after a tiring week that felt so good! Dropped Alex off at the City Airport for work and then took myself via Canary Wharf to Barts to visit Robert.

Life is a bit limited at present but I was really content just to sit with Robert today and read The Sunday Times together. I do love my work but how I love being with family at weekends. It would be somewhat easier if we actually had more family close to us, I am so appreciative of friends support and prayers. One of our friends who is now over 90 took time to write a lovely letter in a card for Robert - that goes a long way.

I had a lovely surprise at Canary Wharf today - I met Gill Rowson who I hadn't met for years - her husband was my first NHS boss at The Royal London hospital - and I started working there 23 years ago!! Will be good to make contact again with John - he was good to work for and he still lives on the Isle of Dogs.

So how has today gone - well I have tried and improved some things - I had an apple - and do you know how many thousands of vitamins are in an apple? I remember being in a nutritional lecture once and I was impressed - but aren't they difficult to eat - and noisy? Well I do intend having apple every day this week - but I will have to be creative - maybe bake them!

I want to be positive this week with calorie counting - it seems to be the best way for me to keep track - problem is with trying to lose weight when you are too big - you can put a lot of food away until your stomache shrinks - I need to drink loads of water to fill me up and clear toxins and then I want eat only when I am hungry!!

I'll let you know how that goes - sounds easy and should be easy but I do love snacks!

Hi again

Was happy yesterday at Waitrose to avoid the chocolate and biscuit aisle!

Since Robert has been in hospital I have been a bit careless and eaten far too much chocolate so time to get 'back on track'. Old habits are so easy to stick with but new habits are so hard to establish!

So I need to establish a pattern of healthy food shopping and add some variety to my trolley - one new fruit of vegetable weekly could help so this week I added the Sharon fruit. I did buy some cakes but am trying gluten free - supposed to be better for all of us. I am fortunate that Alexandra is into cooking and often makes us a tomato based pasta sauce - lovely with garlic and chillies etc.....so at least I got that stuff in too - and avacados and prawns etc!

I have improved on shopping with more whole and less processed foods but I normally come back with chocolate and sweets too!

I really want to get to size 14 in 6 months - not too much to ask and should be absolutely possible - problem is with weight gain that we think we are one size and then as I did yesterday when we buy a lovely blouse in that size it doesn't fasten - another warning sign to stop eating rubbish and to get moving.

I am committed again to my pedometer 10k each day but I need to attach it again from tomorrow and really mean business!

Bye for now - helpful comments welcome with new ideas!

Hello again - so soon! Well I am actually feeling quite pleased with myself - I normally eat way too much on a weekend when I have time to relax. I have been able to stick to my plan whilst Rob and Alex have eaten meals. I have made a bit of an effort though and made sure I made a large pot of soup today so that I can at least have a hot liquid meal - soup is quite comforting really.

Today after a fruit smoothie for breakfast I decided that I would eat a solid lunch and this meant that I had one of my favourite cakes with coffee when I was out - then once I returned home I ate a prawn and pasta salad with a slice of bread. This evening I had a yoghurt (muller light) with my soup and I am satisfied. So here I go until I shift some of this weight. I'll be back again soon. x

Well here I am again and how time flies when you are having fun - and even if not! Can't believe we are in January again - seem to have far too many birthdays and that is not good when you are over 21!

My journey keeps changing and recently it has been a bit demanding with Robert being diagnosed with Leukaemia in November - rocky road to Christmas but now he has started his treatment we are both (and Alex of course) relieved that there is some hope.

I have had a busy 10 days - work is 'full on' with NHS changes and I have been out of the house more than in it as I have visited Robert in his City pad - near St. Paul's. Barts is a specialist Cancer and Cardiac hospital and I am so grateful that we live close enough to it for Robert to be treated there.

So as you may imagine my mind has been all over the place - and it doesn't change the fact that what we put into our bodies can really effect our shape and health. I have been trying to ensure over recent months that we all get enough reds in our diet. I am trying to increase the reds Robert eats but at the same time we can all learn from that - tomato sauce, fresh and tinned tomatoes, red peppers, beetroot, red grapes etc are on my shopping list regularly.

From this week I read up on a 21 day detox plan where you have liquid breakfast and evening meal and just the one solid lunch each day. Now I can't say I have the solid bit really right yet but it is a good idea and I feel less bloated already. Today I had breakfast and lunch liquid only so that I could eat out this evening and how I enjoyed that meal! This way I don't feel guilty about having what I fancy once a day as long as I am disciplined in my liquids!! I could keep improving the quality of what I am having to include veggie juice (maybe) but soups are ideal for the 2nd liquid meal of the day because at least they are hot.

So I will blog these new changes and as I 'up my steps' once more I should be able to report a healthier and fitter me! Bye for now x