I am back after a while away!  Today I decided I should start blogging again - after all, I can't make the excuse of having no time, since I am now retired - ok maybe on a temporary basis but I don't have the pressure of work/life balance for now at least.

So life has become a little complicated since Robert now has to have some more treatment - but I am so grateful for the way he has accepted this and is facing it so positively, whilst staying really enthusiastic and supportive for our house move - all the way north to Edinburgh.

We had a few good days in Edinburgh last week - before Robert signed on again at Barts this week......he was able to visit our new house with me - and he approves.

Since we spent so many weeks over the summer waiting for exchange of contract on our London home - which meant so many visits to coffee shops, my weight has increased and led to me buying a few of the next size up in clothes - i.e. size tent!  Anyway I have taken myself to task this week - unlike other people who seem to be able to enjoy a chocolate or two, I am obsessive with the stuff.  so this week I have decided I really don't want the cakes, chocolate, bread, biscuits - all those foods that are expanding my waistline so much that I now have a belly.......not a nice look.

So salads are back on the menu for me - and I have to exercise some discipline with the aim of enjoying a Christmas when I can get some decent clothes around me and enjoy some treats.

I have no excuses this week - I am living alone - with Alleycat in Scotland already, Alex in Buckingham and Robert at St. Paul's I have bought no bread, and have stocked up with bananas, diet coke, soup and halloumi cheese ( a treat and it is protein which burns off faster than carbs!).

I will come back to report on progress......

Well, well, what a lot has changed for us in less than 2 months - we would all be scared witless if we could see into the future - so just as well we don't know what is round the corner!

We did look at new build houses in Scotland - had an exciting few days looking at houses but the new builds that we liked had a waiting list and the anticipated wait was 12 months hence....not good.

So eventually we found a lovely home which we anticipate moving to but the process is slow down here and we await the buyers mortgage offer so we can move to exchange contracts.

In all of this - after a good holiday again - Robert received bad news - the big C has come back and he needs more treatment.

As I write,  Robert is in at the Barts hostel and I am at home in London with Alleycat!  Tomorrow I will spend the day with Robert and then Friday he can come home for two days or 'normality'.

God is keeping us strong - and we are leaning on the support of friends - many who are FB friends and we are so glad of this support. Prayers are so important as is trust and patience at this time.  We love each other so much and in these difficult days it is good to get so much time together.  Last time Robert was ill I had the added pressure of work - that was tough. This is tough but I don't have to go to work and that makes such a huge difference.  My mission at present is to support Robert back to health and to get our new home sorted.

Tonight an old song was running through my mind:

Wash from my hands the dust of earthly striving,
Take from my mind the stress of secret fear
Cleanse though the wounds from all but thee far hidden,
And when the waters flow, let my healing appear.......

It is now mid July and time for us to go to Scotland to view properties!  The last few weeks have been good - I was ready for this change in life and we have enjoyed a lovely family holiday in our little place in Spain.

Strange - when we are in Spain I don't really want to come back home because I love our little house there and the pace of life is slower and lovely!  The beaches help of course and the change of scenery is always refreshing. This year it was good to spend some time with Heather and David and then to have a visit from 5 of my NHS friends - was good to compare notes since they too have bought on the Costa Blanca.

This year it was good to hear - one day into the holiday - that our London house had sold and that the young couple who were interested really want it!  That is good since we have loved living in this house and have enjoyed all of Alex's childhood here in London.  It has been so convenient for working in London and I have always been fortunate to have roles within a short journey of home.

So with mixed feelings - but loads of excitement - we plan to view our reserved house in Scotland - although it is not actually built yet.  For Robert and I, a new build seems to make sense - with a 10 year guarantee and everything provided to our taste sounds easy!!  We will so what unfolds though.  The plan is that we move out here in September and after Robert's check up at Barts that month we can travel to Spain and stay there until our home is ready to occupy.

So life has certainly changed for me since leaving the NHS and taking early retirement - it is great especially to have more quality time with Robert - so for a now at least I am going to enjoy this period - other doors will open later I am sure - housework will not fully occupy me!

Alex is doing really well at University and I am free to get down to Buckingham more now if required - she is really independent as a person which is encouraging - and she enjoys having her own space - however Scotland is now on her horizon as she plans to join us when she graduates in December.

So life is re-shaping for me - I still need to work on shaping up physically too - and the rowing machine comes in handy for that.  I look forward to walking every week (if not every day) in Scotland - fresh air up there and lots of family to walk with me!

Morning friends - I am up way too early today but I cannot lie in (yet) since I am so used to jumping up and getting ready for work.  However it was rather nice to get up for a breakfast in front of breakfast TV and I can use some time exercising on the rower - all before I need to get dressed.

It was lovely yesterday to spend time with Brian and Shirley Thorogood - good friends of ours, and we enjoyed a proper Sunday roast dinner at Mulberry House - a beautiful place in Essex at High Ongar.  The weather was uncertain but we still had a chance to walk through the gardens.  They serve breakfast, lunch and afternoon tea every day and it's the kind of place I would love to spend time on a sunny day - so relaxing and beautiful grounds.

After expecting the house to be 'advertised' over the weekend, surely this is the day - we will get to check the particulars before it goes on and then the hope is that people will request viewings.

This is a strange week since I am actually using up annual leave before my last day of service this Friday.  Alex has been away for a few days and will be back 'home' tomorrow evening so it will be lovely to have her company.  I have no regrets about leaving work - I am really grateful for this opportunity to focus on other parts of my life.  I am fairly confident we will sell the house over these summer weeks but it is awkward not being able to seriously seek out our new home.  In trying to avoid too much pressure on us we have chosen to sell first - make sure that sale is secure and then we know what we are working with and can go ahead and find somewhere.  We are prepared to trust for the future as we have in the past.

Of course - as with other things in life - it would actually be quite easy to just 'stay put' but this move will be a positive one for us - we will catch up again with family and enjoy Scotland together.

I don't know what lies ahead in terms of what I will do - paid work or otherwise but I need a break first from work - I have worked with heaps of pressure over the past years and I need to relax more - inside as well as outwardly.

Life is strange for us all and yet we are all given opportunities in life - and we need to take them with both hands and appreciate new starts.

It is Saturday today because Robert told me it was!!  I had to ask this morning what day it was since I have been off work since Wednesday and I have enjoyed a few free days and I get a weekend!  Well I suppose I ought to get used to this - I need to relax though since I wanted to push the Estate Agent yesterday - house should be on the websites from tomorrow anyway - everything ready now!  All we need after that is some interest and who knows we could sell quickly.  On the other hand the house may take time to sell and I tell myself we have plenty of time.  Theoretically of course we have but one I know I am going somewhere I want to get going.........anyway all very exciting and we go to Spain at some stage soon for a holiday which will be lovely.

Our Spanish holidays really do relax us - the pace is slow and the sun, sea and sand are what we feel in need of this year - Alex, before she faces her last two terms at University and we, before we face a cooler Scotland.

So I can't say I dont have time for things now - this is lovely........and what's more I received my pension letter this morning - don't think I am retiring for life but for now - perfect!!

Hello again - well 2 days into my early retirement from the NHS I thought I would catch up on my blog.......seems strange but good to be finished at work - all that office sitting was not good for my fitness levels.  Because we were in closedown of PCTs and my team had really all moved off at the end of March it was a very strange departure but liberating.  I didn't feel inclined to organise anything particular as a leaving do - except the customary cakes for the others about to leave.  I did however go round to visit the Barts Health IT Dept. - where I had commenced my NHS Service 25 years ago - now that was good - and was lovely to catch up with a few friends there and on news of those who have moved on long since!

I will meet a few NHS friends before I leave London, individually - I have worked with some wonderful people (and a few challenging ones) over all those years. I am glad for all the experiences I have had at work but for now it is time to move on - to give more attention to home and family and I mean to enjoy that.

Yes I know it could take time to get work out of my system for these months but I am so looking forward to our Spanish holiday - and prior to that we have prepared the house for sale and that is an achievement.  Thank goodness Robert had all the patience he had to persevere in emptying our loft and garage - it is done now and roll on the buyers appointments.  I will be back!

First day back at work today in over a week and it was okay!  Have to say this is a strange and unique time in my HR career - all in wind down mode now and just really sorting records for archive.  So for one period in my time in the NHS the work is a bit 'mind numbing' but that is fine since I am preparing to leave very soon anyway.

During most of my career I have been so interested in everything going on around me - even the politics of the organisations - now I am almost, just almost disengaged - but that feels right for close down.  Some colleagues, matched to new roles are hopefully finding their feet in a very different NHS setting - I have done that and I am ready for new challenges and experiences.

First I want to be free to be - initially that will be to have more time with Robert and Alex - for holiday and then sorting and organising with Robert our move north.

I am so glad for my NHS service - for the people I have shared with - people I have become friends with, people I have learned from and hopefully the other way around too!

So onwards and upwards - God is good and I trust in Him for a new future.

Seems like ages since I 'blogged' and I intend to write more over the next few months so here I am - back again!

I have had a challenging couple of weeks - my brother Ronnie passed away - and as Alex says, "Grief slows you" - that has been my experience.  I returned to work following the sad news and the funeral was delayed so last week we travelled to be with family and for the funeral in Edinburgh.  It was a sad day and yet ronnie is now at peace - away from the struggles of his everyday life and his pains.

Selfishly we all wanted Ronnie to last forever, he was one of 7 siblings - the first to go, and was a popular and much loved brother and uncle.  It was good to be with family - I was proud of them all and of the love we share for each other.  Next stage is that Robert and I prepare for a move to Edinburgh - and after 25 years away I will be glad to be back amongst close family.

So life is all about change - with two certainties - we are born and we die - hopefully we go on to live on in a better place.  My Christian faith is important to me and I cling to my faith in Christ and experience His strength and peace in my heart as I cope with changes.

In the NHS the time has come for me to move on and I am not sad about that at all. March was a challenge as so many people around me left for pastures new - we all separated.  Mid June it is for me and I will go on annual leave first - followed by the end of my service and early pension!

In July, Robert, Alex and I will go to Spain for a holiday - Alex will be pleased to have a break before her 2nd last term at university - and we will be relieved that after all the anticipation, we will be free to plan our next move.  A new episode, a new chapter and hopefully new beginnings rather than endings!

Back again - at last.  After doing so well trying to limit calories and eat some of the right things at least - and more of the right things a lot of the time I have backslidden......

The NHS is chaotic at present - more chaotic than it was I believe - with changes from on high being directed in order to get us all tot he end of PCT days - that is a challenge because despite the planning - loads of it and the meetings - loads of them too - there are real people who are without jobs now and don't know where to turn.  Across London many displaced staff and alongside those many unfilled vacancies - this means that between now and confirming people's redundancy we have to go though another try at filling posts with those ready for jobs!!  Then in the last few weeks of being PCTs (7 in our Cluster) we need to fix people onto he right payrolls in new organisations - cease our payroll and ensure that those leaving are paid redundancy and final pay in March - all very interesting and trying at times.

Well is all of that an excuse for the way my eating is well out of control - could be!!  The fact that I will be pleased to complete my NHS service after 25 years but am still waiting to know I will go at the end of June - is that a good excuse for eating chocolate - could be!!  Working alongside a number of people and advising many others with uncertain futures - could that be an excuse for eating sweets every day - could be!!!

So what?  I need to get a grip and keep control - sugar is controlling me now and that is a bad place to be - tomorrow I start to amend my ways and take control again of my weight and size.

I will use this blog - to report honestly and I hope this will help me to get back in control.

What do I report today?  Well I stuck - as did robert - to the very low calorie day again - although admittedly by this evening we had a wee treat after our healthy meal!

Don't like to admit it but I do have a strange relationship with food - I rarely get excited about having a meal but I do love my coffees and cakes/muffins/croissants - in fact anything that is fattening is so good.

We have both used the Concept 2 and tomorrow when I am in all evening on my own I intend building up some serious time on it -too easy just to do a few minutes at a time but I need to feel my heart pumping to benefit from this.  So considering it is January - still a whole week off pay day and the snow has been and gone I am feeling fairly positive.  I will be a size 12 and as I imagine that it feels right and so good.  Will write again soon.

Felt good today to discipline myself for first time this new year!  Robert and I reduced our calories greatly and loaded our plates this evening with fish and vegetables only - so light and tasty!  When I craved something sweet with a coffee I had a square of dark chocolate and that was nice.

On the Concept 2 today it seemed to take a while to burn off 21 calories - I have some work to do yet but I have to say that walking today (apart from the snow) up and down DLR station steps was far easier than I have felt it previously.

So I will have some rest now before Eastenders, documentary and Mrs Brown's Boys - water as a drink will be sufficient!

Rather than having another vlc (very low calorie) day tomorrow I think I will go up to 1100 calories max and then have another vlc day on Wednesday.  I did feel a bit fat in my size 14 trousers today - so keen to get to a slim 14 and then a 12 - by March this year......I will do it too.

Biggest achievement today was avoiding croissant for breakfast and replacing it with fruit - little sin was sneaking tow little flaky chocs at work!!

Sunday today and it has been a 'snowday' in London - lots of travel challenges on the roads, airports and train stations etc......and it has been good to have this weather arrive when I didn't have to go to work.

I have had a relaxing weekend - checking up on Alex in Buckingham - by phone - she is keeping warm enough and eating!  Robert and I have been out both days of the weekend but both times only as far as Canary Wharf - it was busy today.  Lots of people like to get out and of course always feels healthier than staying in all the time.  However we have enjoyed being cosy indoors with home made soup and of course - the Concept 2.

So we have made a better start on the machine - good to build up 'pulls' - need to start this week counting minutes and ensuring that we build up regularly.

We also plan to get back onto our 'fasting' habit of 2 days each week - seems to have caught on with lots of articles about it in the Times etc.....I need to get sugar out of my system and behave!

I bought a new pair of trousers today and I am still size 14 but it is being challenged - one thing is certain I am not going into a size 16 again so this week I will slim - we have a lovely weekend away to look forward to in Eastbourne.

Well I seemed to be surrounded today by concerned staff - concerned for the future of the NHS - there is one thing certain - this is the biggest change programme in the NHS.  Now some say 'not before time'  and personally I am for much of the reform but this is hard on staff.

Anyway this blog is about my progress - so mentally I need to stay strong and emotionally I need to stay strong - if only for others I am trying to help.

In other ways today was good - Alexy got really good results from last term's exams - yippee - robert is at Rotary and you can guess what news I will be pleased to pass on as soon as he is in the door!

So what about my health today? - O my - what is wrong with me apart from January being a tough month?  I am eating carbs all the time - well apart from the healthy salmon and sprouts for my evening meal - interspersed by sweets.  This must stop.

Our Concept 2 takes up nearly the whole room - and it will sit pride of place until we get moving on it.....have done a wee bit and will build up.  Unfortunately I have been like an old lady - bent over with back pain but I will get there!

Well this blog was started with good intention of writing forever - well I think it was!  Anyway we are now into a new year - 2013 and however unbelievable that is - it is now half way through the first month of this new year!

So what is new?  First of all I have been doing a lot of thinking, envisioning, dreaming, hoping and mixed into all of that is my plan that this year Robert and I will share exercise.  So I gave up my gym membership - that was not only not shared (except the monthly cost) but it was also largely unused.

We decided together that the membership money could be re-directed to a hired Concept 2 rower - one of those wonderful rowing machines I have used (sparingly) at the gym!

So it has arrived - we have built it and tried it for a minute or so each - in entirely the wrong clothes - but that is the beauty of using a rower at home - you can get on it with bare feet and your housecoat on.

I intend to report in this blog some wonderful value for money exercise and - more than that - fitter bodies at 12 High Meads Road and younger, fitter products very soon.  Well, give us a bit of time to break ourselves in......so here's to 2013 - and one big change that hopefully leads to many other positive changes for us.